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Marriage lacks intimacy and he’s about done

Marriage lacks intimacy and he’s about done

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Annie Lane

Annie Lane

Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married coming on 19 years. We have two kids. Since we had children, she never seems to want to be intimate with me — so much so that she went to her general doctor for some help. That was three years ago.

She finally figured things out and determined that it was stress-related.

I take care of the kids during COVID-19 and work full time. Not sure I can stay in this marriage; in fact, I am close to done. I am very lonely. Any advice?

— Sexless in Seattle

Dear Sexless: You have two children to think about. Don’t give up before you have tried marriage counseling. Making a life-altering decision is never a good idea during a global pandemic. Everyone’s stress levels are way up. Instead, use this as an opportunity to find a good marriage therapist and work on your marriage.

Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, and we’re expecting a baby. But ever since we’ve known that I was expecting, it’s like our whole relationship turned upside down. He thinks that I’m cheating on him behind his back with his cousin, which I’m not.

Every month until today, we would always have arguments over the same conversation, and I really cannot handle it anymore. I can only take so much. I just want our relationship to go back to how it was before, when we were happy.

— Distraught

Dear Distraught: You are wise to write in now, because my guess is that, if left unaddressed, his jealousy will only worsen once the baby arrives. Try to show him more affection and reassure him that you love him. Perhaps the pregnancy has triggered some old hurt and insecurities from his past, leaving him to feel vulnerable and act out. Be understanding, and try to talk to him.

It sounds like he might be a little obsessed or stuck on the idea of you with his cousin. If the talking doesn’t seem to go anywhere and he is almost harassing you, it is time to seek professional help from a therapist.

Dear Annie: I have two beautiful children, a daughter and a son. I raised my son, while my daughter’s father raised her. My son does everything for me, and he is married and has a 4-year-old boy. My daughter is a pharmacist, just divorced, and has no children. She never comes to see me — no birthday gifts or Christmas presents.

I’m 60 and in not-so-good health. I feel her dad probably talked about me over the years. I left when she was 9. But I still had my visitation rights. Do you think I’m a bad mom?

— Bad Mom

Dear Bad Mom: I am not here to judge whether you are a bad mom or not. It sounds like you probably made some not-so-great decisions when your children were young. You are 60 now, and a lot of time has passed. You can’t go back in time, but instead of blaming your daughter’s father for your daughter’s behavior toward you, take responsibility and repair it.

Admit your mistakes, and just tell her how much you love her and that you want a relationship with her. But don’t expect her to take care of you. Remember, you are the mother.

Annie Lane, a graduate of New York Law School and New York University, writes this column for Creators Syndicate. Email questions to dearannie@creators.com.

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