Dear Annie: I met the man of my dreams about two years ago. He showed me what it felt like to be loved by a man for the first time. I was the happiest I had ever been — until about six months ago.
I caught him in a hotel with another woman. She came out first and tried to make me believe he wasn’t there. But the room was in his name. So, I knew he was there. I waited and, eventually, he did come outside. When he did, he had a huge grin on his face. That will forever haunt me. All he would say is that it wasn’t what I thought it was.
I decided to dig a little deeper and found out he had been hiring prostitutes since the day we moved in together. He had also stayed two weeks with another woman when I went on vacation a year before.
He has yet to apologize in any way. If I bring it up, then he gets mad and says that it’s in the past. And wants me to believe that he’s not still cheating.
I love this man very much, but how do I get past this? It would be easier if he’d talk about it. He won’t. He gets mad and acts like I’m the one doing wrong just by bringing it up. Any advice would help.
— Heartbroken in Kentucky
Dear Heartbroken: Couples can work together to heal the wounds of infidelity — but only when the partner who’s been unfaithful shows remorse and a desire to change.
If he not only betrayed you but won’t even say sorry, then it’s time to kick his sorry caboose to the curb. His behavior hasn’t just been deceitful; it’s been disrespectful. As painful as it might be to break up with him, you’re in for a lifetime of hurt if you don’t.
Dear Annie: I am an 85-year-old healthy single woman living in a small Northern California town. I am an artist and have enjoyed painting during this time when I am isolated.
Recently, some friends, who live in a mobile home park nearby, invited me to join them for an hour every afternoon to play “kick an empty can” with them in the wide streets of the park. There are four to six people every day. We’re safe: We’re always six feet apart. And the speed limit is 15 miles per hour. When a vehicle approaches, we all retreat to the curb.
Meanwhile, the drivers wave, laugh and honk their horns as they pass by. We’ve worn out several cans in the process, but all have plenty more to contribute. Great fun and great friends!
— Mim in Grass Valley, CA
Dear Mim: Your letter made me smile. Here’s to finding more ways to stay young at heart.
Dear Annie: The letter from “Witchy Woman” made me feel sad for her — not only because she thinks she looks like a witch but because she is starting to wonder why her husband of many years would marry her.
This is the husband who raised a family with her, encouraged her to go back to school and have a successful career, the man who is kind, gentle, and caring.
She doesn’t realize it, but this is also the husband who is madly in love with her, the husband who has never seen what she sees when she looks in the mirror.
Instead, he looks at her every day and thanks his lucky stars for having this wonderful, beautiful, hardworking, talented woman in his life. Trust me, if the shape of her nose or chin bothered him, he would have been gone long ago. Just sign me …
— Old Married Guy Still in Love After 47 years
Dear OMG: Your letter brought a tear to my eye. Congrats on many decades of marriage, and thanks for sharing the love and wisdom.
Annie Lane, a graduate of New York Law School and New York University, writes this column for Creators Syndicate. Email questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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